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Story I heard when I was getting my private on Long Island: Local fellow working his way up had padded his logbook with extra twin time. For a couple of these "flights" he'd used the tail number of a twin he'd seenn passing through his airport -- it looked like it was from far away, and headed back there. The checkride was at a bigger airport nearby. After the ride the examiner was looking at the logbook and checking the totals.

"Nice plane, that N12345" says the examiner.

"Sure is," says the candidate.

"I don't suppose you know that I own that plane?" asked the examiner as he motioned out the window to where it was parked, just down the line.

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If God had meant man to fly, he would have given him more money.

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An FAA Inspector walked into a doctor's office with a frog on his head.

The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"

And the frog said, "Take this wart off my butt."

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Purportedly real, but I didn't hear it myself ...

(Transmission as a DC-10 rolls out long after a fast landing...)

San Jose Tower: American 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off of Highway 101 back to the airport.

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A small, 14-seat plane is circling for a landing in Allentown. It's totally fogged in, zero visibility, and suddenly there's a small electrical fire in the cockpit which disables all of the instruments and the radio. The pilot continues circling, totally lost, when suddenly he finds himself flying next to a tall office building.

He rolls down the window (this particular plane happens to have roll-down windows) and yells to a person inside the building, "Where are we?"

The person responds "In an airplane!"

The pilot then banks sharply to the right, circles twice, and makes a perfect landing at ABE.

As the passengers emerge, shaken but unhurt, one of them says to the pilot,

"I'm certainly glad you were able to land safely, but I don't understand how the response you got was any use."

"Simple," responded the pilot. "I got an answer that was completely accurate and totally irrelevant to my problem, so I knew it had to be the PP&L building."

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