The EU Commissioners have announced that an agreement has been reached to
adopt English as the preferred language for communications in place of
German which was the other prime possibility. However as a key part of this
agreement HM government has conceded that English spelling has some need of
improvement and has therefore agreed to implement a 5 year staged program
for the conversion to what will be known as Euro English.

In the first year “s” will be used in place of the soft “c”. Sertainly sivil
servants will resieve this news with joy. At the same time the hard “c” will
be replaced with “k” which will klear up any konfusion and typewriters kan
have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm for the sekond year, when the
troublesome “ph” will be replaced by “f ” which will make words such as
fotograf 20 persent shorter.

In the third year publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan permit more
komplikated developments. Government will enkourage the removal of double
letters which have always ben a deterant to akurate speling’ Also, al wil
agre that then horible mes of silent “e”s in the language is disgrasful, and
they wil go.

By the fourth year people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th”
with “z” and “w” with “v”.

During ze fitz year ze unesesary “o” kan be droped from vords kontaining ou” and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of
leters. After zis fitz year ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be
no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech
ozer.